You are in high school. You dropped out of high school. You live within 20 minutes of your best friend. You live within 20 minutes of the last person you kissed. You live within 20 minutes of your ex. You have been to the movies within the last week. You have hugged someone in the last 48 hours. You have had 3 or more boyfriends/girlfriends just this year. You have been a designated driver. You have broken merchandise and not paid for it. You have played strip poker. You are Catholic. You are Atheist. You recycle regularly. You are a brunette. You have dated a blonde. You are friends with a redhead. You are taller than your mom. You have a bank account. You’ve written a check for less than $5. You have visited the Statue of Liberty. You have visited the Eiffel Tower. You have visited Big Ben. You have visited the Colosseum. You have visited The Great Wall of China. You have never been out of the country. You have been a waiter/waitress. You own a Bible. You own something with a Pentagram on it. You have used a Ouija Board. You have been a witch for Halloween. You have been a zombie for Halloween. You have had your eyebrow pierced. You have had a Monroe piercing. You have had your nose pierced. You have no tattoos. You have more than 5 tattoos. You straighten your hair. You have worn a dress in the last 3 days. You live somewhere that gets snow. You celebrate Hanukkah. You were at your own house last New Year’s. You were at a bar last New Year’s. You cant remember last New Year’s. You slept through last New Year’s. You have worked on Christmas Eve. You have worked on Christmas. You have been told ‘I love you’ by someone today. You were told ‘I love you’ by someone who’s not family. You slept in your own bed last night. You are dating the last person you kissed. You regret kissing the last person you kissed. You are wearing a necklace right now. You are wearing something red. You are wearing something blue. You are wearing something purple. Your phone number ends with an even number. You have kissed the last person you called/texted. You are currently listening to music. You are waiting for something. You don’t like seafood. You have eaten deer sausage. You have given a complete stranger your phone number. You have been hit on at work. You have been hit on by someone more than 20 years older than you. You have been whistled at. You were creeped out by it. You are a good speller. You are very punctual. You were dating someone in December of 2008. You are still dating that person. You have cheated on someone. You have been cheated on. You have been on a cruise ship. You have camped out in your own backyard. You are wearing something that doesn’t belong to you. You are a Pisces. You are an Aquarius. You are a Leo. You wonder what will happen when you die. You are afraid of the dark. You write in all capital letters. You have been told you have nice handwriting. You have had a song written for you. You have had a picture drawn of you. You have curly hair. You are wearing a watch. You are wearing flip flops. You wouldn’t date someone who smoked. You know someone with the same birthday as you. You are a morning person. You are a night owl. You slept in past 10 am today. You have big plans for this weekend. You are thinking of someone right now. Your job is stressing you out. You don’t have a job. You have never had a job. You were fired from your last job. You know sign language. You will usually try something at least once. You have been swimming in the last month. You are pessimistic by nature. You have taken a ballet class. You have taken karate. You have taken gymnastics. You wish on shooting stars. You wish at 11:11. Your birthday has already come this year. You have been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. You ended your last relationship. Your ex ended your last relationship. You aren’t over your ex. You have gone after someone you knew was bad for you. You have let someone use you. You were/are a teenage mom. You are an otaku. You are a cosplayer. You were named after someone. You like your name. Your last drink was water. You have visited somewhere said to be ‘haunted’. You have skipped school just because you didn’t feel like going. You have taken medicine when you ‘feel a headache coming on’. You are self-conscious about your body. You have a hangover. You have a pet fish. You have had a Jehovah’s Witness show up at your house. You have godparents. Your parents are still married. You have step-siblings. You are the oldest. You are adopted. You have a twin. You don’t want kids. You want more than four kids. You have a bad temper. You usually make the first move in an intimate situation. You have made out with a complete stranger. You have worked with a Kayla. You have gone to the movies with a Jared. You have hugged a Lexie. You have held hands with a Marcus. You have dated a Rachel. You have broken your arm. You have had to get stitches on your face. You have had an MRI. Your fingernails are painted. You like to draw. You like to sing. You can play an instrument. You keep a lot of secrets from people. You don’t think people would accept you if they really got to know you. You don’t trust people easily. You borrowed something you really need to give back to someone. You drive a car older than a 2002. You have lost a friend you never thought you would. You know a child who died of cancer. You know a teenager who died in a car wreck. You have done something illegal in the past 24 hours. You have cut your hair in the last week. You wear glasses. Your favourite season is Autumn. Your favourite colour is orange. Your favourite animal is a dolphin. You last rode in a car with a relative. You last rode in a car with a girl. You last rode in a car with the person you are dating. You regularly watch Asian dramas. You love Chinese food. Your best friend is older than you. You have to go to school/work tomorrow. You answered every question truthfully.
I coasted by today. I’m panicking but not for or because of you. Contrary, you keep me grounded, steady. Swimming head, fearful heart; what hurts more? It’s easy to be envious of freedom, harder to be green for patience.
Understand me, John Smith. My compass needs guiding.
trying to find the light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe it’s because I’ve been stuck here so long that I’m finally feeling the weight of it. What hurts the most is sitting there and watching it dangle in front of me; “don’t bother, you have to wait anyways.”
I keep hearing his voice in my head, speaking softly. How can I yearn so much and so steadily in this world? Am I the weak one? There is a source of inspiration but the tangibility continues to be evasive, at least in absence of you. I need to sleep now, so that I can hear you again. You’re already ahead of me.
I’m doing my best to describe; trying to put together my thoughts so that they’ll flow as beautifully as the blues and grays I swim in. Yet even then, the metaphor is lacking. How do I tell someone about the way my heart beats in my ears at the sight of you or the how it tickles when your nose grazes my inner thighs? These goosebumps aren’t from the cold. I push you away, you grab my wrists with that playful grin. When I try to resist, you squeeze tighter, pull me closer. I am captured…
I wasn’t going to write about the dream I had last night, mostly because I can’t make any sense of it. At least I can see metaphors in most of them, but I can’t wrap my mind around this one. Help me out?
I dreamt I was back in the woodsy side of the open field again, except it was sunny and no one was running. There was a fair type thing going on and lots of wooden buildings paved a street almost like an outlet mall. The weird thing was, as sunny and beautiful the day seemed, people were talking mournfully. Apparently there had been a rape in the community. Oddly enough, it was a gay man who had raped a young woman. A lot of the store owners were congregating in the street and talking about it. It became obvious that this town was incredibly homophobic. My cousin Samantha appeared, blissfully unaware of everything going on. She urged me to go shopping in one of the cabins with her. We walked into a souvenir shop and began looking around. I don’t know why anyone would want something to remember this place with. I looked around and saw a lot of pawn type items: a typewriter, a remote controlled toy car, mood rings, miniature glass figures of dolphins and dragons. Then I can to a drawer of jewelry, mostly body piercing types. My cousin has her belly button pierced and it dawned on me that I had an urge to steal her one, if not more. The clerk, who was a middle-aged woman who I’m sure thought I was a lesbian, eyed me and my cousin from outside her store with all the other clerks. I went back to the toy car, broke off the antenna (which for some reason I knew was magnetic?) and put it in my sleeve. Pretending to sift through the jewelry, the small piercings began to slide up my arm. Just when I felt so clever, I noticed that my arm was bleeding. Pulling up my sleeve, I saw that the antenna had disappeared under my skin and that the piercings were scratching my veins open, trying to attach themselves to the magnet. Before I could scream, the clerk came back inside, grabbed my bleeding arm, and yelled “Sinner!”